He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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