coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
