i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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