i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
