I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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