I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
