I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
