Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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