I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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