I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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