just tell him i said nine months
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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