It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
