$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pants are for mortals
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
