Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
