I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
