while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
