Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize