I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
