It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
