Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
