And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize