sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
