dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think my mom watched the whole time
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
