the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
