Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
