OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
