Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
