I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
