I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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