So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize