cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
please come you make the beer taste better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
