she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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