Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
