He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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