He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Farmville is her only friend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
