its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
