I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im part way to drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize