so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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