there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
