Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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