I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
