i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize