Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
