your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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