I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
