If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
