It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
