Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
