I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
