All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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