i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
