I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
