Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
