hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
