What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
