wat bout pragnant strippers??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
