You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
