i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
