Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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