First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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