Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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