I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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