i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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