He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So many bounce houses so little time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
