their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
