FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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