so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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