Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
