he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
