Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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