sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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