I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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