You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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