Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
