1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
